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Boundaries with our Dogs?
What is fair?
Tony Barrett
January 22, 2026
Boundaries help us clarify and divide between what is acceptable behaviour and what is not, both in human relationships, and also with our dogs. If we apply unclear or inconsistent boundaries in our lives with our dogs, it’s very common that the dogs are confused by this. When boundaries shift it’s not clear what is and what is not acceptable, and when.
Sometimes, what looks like “bad behaviour” is the product of blurry boundaries. For example, yesterday, the rambunctious behaviour was rewarded with attention and play, but today the human is tired so the clowning around gets a stern word and the dog is ignored. Yesterday, the dog could jump up at their owners and it started a game, but today the owners say, “No jumping!” and tell the dog off.
To be fair to our dogs and ourselves, we need to set clear and consistent boundaries.
Table of Contents
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What is a Fair Boundary?
Fair Boundaries go both ways. As the more intelligent primates in the partnership, we need to set some fair boundaries so our dogs can fit into human society and don’t drive us crazy. The onus is on the human side of the relationship to set these.
On the other hand, we need to consider some boundaries that our dogs should rightfully have in their own right, for their own welfare and well-being, to live the dog-life. It may seem strange from the human viewpoint, but there are boundaries with dogs we need to respect.
Examples: Fair Boundaries from the human perspective
You can be excited when visitors come over, but don’t jump on them.
You can excitedly bite your tug toy, but don’t bite me.
You can be on the furniture but you’re not allowed to chew on it.
Examples: Fair Boundaries from our dogs perspective
You can teach me new behaviours, but don’t get mad when I don’t understand.
You can introduce me to scary and unfamiliar situations but you shouldn’t be surprised if you don’t teach me how to behave acceptably that I will react in my own way.
You can be near me but I don’t always want you to touch me. Especially if I don’t know you and I haven’t invited it.
Practical Tips
✔️ Know your house rules - and keep them: Many dogs are branded as rule-breakers, but remember that first, the humans need to be rule-keepers. Often dogs rule the household - because they can.
✔️ Respect your dog’s boundaries: Many dogs are smothered with affection - whether or not they are welcoming it! Typically, small dogs get picked up a lot and fussed over. It’s fine if they like it. But it’s also fine for them to have space when they need it.
✔️ Set Realistic Expectations: Just like kids, dogs will fail to behave as expected, when those expectations are unfair, or the environment has set them up to fail (eg. would your dog really recall from 100 metres away when it’s playing with another dog, when it wouldn’t typically recall from that distance without any distraction?)
✔️ Respect Dog’s Wishes for Social Interaction: Dogs are social animals, with individuals varying on just how sociable they want to be with other dogs or people. Some dogs love being sociable, while others don’t. Understanding your dog’s personality and preferences, and respecting that, is about adjusting our expectations to match our dog’s reality.
✔️ Training is Key: Often dogs are expected to behave in certain ways, yet they have never been effectively taught to do so. If you find yourself focusing on the negative about what your dog is not doing, or doing badly, then it’s time to look at some effective training.
Time for some safe dog/dog socialisation! 🐕🐕
You’re invited to the next social walk on Saturday, 31 January at 9 am. The venue will be Taitua Arboretum, 55 Taitua Road, Templeview. (Dogs will be around other dogs, all on-lead and in a controlled manner. We meet in the Taitua Arboretum carpark. (Please see the rules of the walk below).
Cancellation due to weather will be notified on my Facebook Page.
Rules of the Walk
Dogs must stay on the lead at all times
No dog-to-dog greetings without the owner’s consent, please. Not all the dogs will welcome random dogs in their space.
Pick up all poop (goes without saying, but there, now it’s said).
Respect pedestrians and other dog walkers on the path. Make way for people as appropriate, so we’re not road-hogs.
Remember to act as good ambassadors of the dog-owning community at all times (not everyone likes dogs - weird huh?)
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Tony the Dog Trainer
Helping people and their dogs live better lives together.
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